The mother of all bailouts - spare me, please

Ok -bear with me a bit for an analogy. Suppose you live in a dorm, and you wake up one morning and find out your wallet is gone. Freak out city, am I right? You bump into your roomate at lunch and ask him if he's seen your wallet.

"Oh, I thought I might need some money for the movie tonight," he says, "so I took your wallet just in case."

Which of these would your answer be:

1. "Oh, sure."
2. "I'll give you the money, but I'd like to have my wallet back."
3. "Roommate, give me my wallet back right now. And, don't do this again. Then we can talk about how much money you get."

If you think number one is at all reasonable, then it's possible that you approved the first Paulsen plan, which involved handing 700 billion over to him, and having him dole it out appropriately, no strings attached, with all checks and balances, whether court or congress, null and void. You're a chump if you go for this first solution. Your roomate, his friends, and their friends friends will line up at the beginning of each month to relieve you of your money. Forget the money, you won't even have your wallet, and your acquaintances will despise you.

Number two corresponds, in more ways than one, to the current plan that was almost approved by the Senate and congress yesterday. Let's blithely forget that it was naughty, in the first place, for Paulsen to ask to steal our wallet by suggesting we give him the money to dole out, free and clear, to anyone he chose. But then we give him the money anyway, perhaps with some caveats about how to spend it. You're a chump if you picked this alternative. Yes, you will have your wallet, but it will be perpetually empty.

Number three - let's have a sit down about the very idea that the Bush administration, in the person of Paulsen, even contemplated for a millisecond, that it had the power, and the right, to hand out money to anyone - friends, foes, and others - with absolutely no plan presented and no accountability.

Once that long conversation is done - and Paulsen replaced as a good will gesture to clear the air - we can move on to talk about why we suddenly need to "give away" nearly a trillion dollars for what might or not help the economy.

There is one more important lesson to glean from the roomate analogy. Roomates do not give their money away to each other. And there lies the path to an acceptable solution. Lend the money to institutions with cash flow problems, and have them pay it back later.

Now, back to our regular problem - er program.

OK, Obama and McCain, pick one: CSPAN or Palin

Recently McCain suggested that both he and Obama postpone the debate this Friday so that they could both return to their senatorial duties, and concentrate on the economic crisis.

Nope. Now, more than ever, Americans need to take the measure of their new president, so I have a better answer. Obama and McCain should debate the old fashioned way: on the Senate floor, with the Majority leader presiding, and questions and participation from the rest of the senate.

We're already set up with CSPAN coverage - it will shoot their ratings through the roof. Maybe it will be catching, and we'll start having meaningful, dramatic discussions in our highest body of government.

Everyone take your places, and let er rip!

That - or send Palin in there. If she can handle the presidency, she should be able to handle this debate.